Heart of the Family

Taking care of yourself as a parent

by Cindy Knott

Parenting can be a rewarding experience. It can also be demanding, challenging and, at times, frustrating. Being a good parent doesn’t have to mean not looking after yourself—it can be made easier by looking after your own personal needs for support, companionship, intimacy, recreation and alone time. Triple P—The Positive Parenting Program—promotes Taking Care of Yourself as a Parent as one of the key aspects to positive parenting.

Some ideas to help:

Balancing Work and Family
Many parents are faced with the dual tasks of working outside the home while raising children. Although work most obviously functions to provide income, it also provides activity, challenge, companionship, social support and self-esteem. Likewise, our family life allows us to experience the important human need for intimacy, as well as the chance to relax, have fun, pursue non-work interests and feel in control of getting things done. Pressures from either of these two worlds can threaten our emotional well-being when they become too strong. So how do we go about achieving a work-family balance?

To begin, we can rethink our priorities and focus on what is important: our children. We need to give priority to our children to ensure their own emotional development. Develop effective wind-down and relaxation activities for yourself that don’t increase the stress of others. Regular exercise and healthy eating can help you cope. Efficient time management at work or a flexible work day can increase time with your family.

Working Together as a Team
Share your parenting roles:
Parenting can be easier and more rewarding when you work together. Share your parenting roles, such as your child’s care and household chores, and try to reach an agreement over parenting issues. Discuss your ideas on issues such as family rules and how to manage behaviour problems. Make important decisions together. Talk openly with your partner and listen to his or her point of view. Clear communication will help to alleviate conflict over parenting issues. Talk about situations as they arise and talk about them after so you can evaluate what works and what doesn’t. Talk with each other every day about your children and support each other when problem behaviour occurs so that there is consistency in the way you both respond to your child.

Take care of your relationship:
Two-parent households with busy families can find it hard to have time alone as a couple. It is easy to take each other for granted. It is important for you to look after your relationship, show care and respect for each other, and make an effort to do things you used to enjoy doing together before you had children. Do things that show your partner you care, such as getting him or her a cup of coffee or showing affection. Try to schedule some time with your partner every day—this may be a brief time to talk about your day or to do something special like go for a walk, work on a project together or go out on a date.

Look After Yourself
Whether you are parenting with a partner or you are a single parent, your own needs remain important. Everyone needs time away from the children and this can be particularly true if you are parenting on your own. Triple P (Being a Parent Tip Sheet) suggests finding a reliable person to care for your child while you spend time with friends, work out at the gym, enjoy a cup of coffee, go for a walk or just spend some time alone. In the end, if your own needs as an adult are being met, it becomes much easier for you to be patient, consistent and available to your children and to show your love and affection for them.

For more on Triple P and to find Triple P services in your community, please visit the Vancouver Island website at www.triplepvip.ca.

Cindy Knott has worked for more than 20 years supporting children and families in Manitoba and now in British Columbia and is currently the Vancouver Island Triple P Coordinator.