Your New Life As a New Mom

by Susan Miller, BScN

The miracle of new motherhood brings with it great joy and profound life changes. Before your baby was born, you likely anticipated and planned for many of the changes you are now experiencing. However, life with your new baby may have turned out to be more demanding than you had expected.

There was likely a flurry of excitement, celebration and activity when your baby was born. Your partner, family and friends provided wonderful, thoughtful and loving support in those first, highly sensitive post-partum days. A few weeks down the road however reality strikes. HELP! There are no more meals left in the freezer, your partner is back to work, grandma has returned to Toronto, and you don’t fit into any of your pre-pregnancy clothes.

As a new mom you need time to enjoy your baby, but you feel conflicted as you just don’t have enough hands, or hours in the day to do everything else as well. Take heart—you are not alone. Most new mothers report that they feel a certain amount of stress because of the unpredictability in their life with a new baby, a feeling of loss of control and choice, and the general disorder in their previously orderly household. Most of us do not have the luxury of live-in help to take care of the domestic chores so now is the time to re-assess priorities and develop routines that work for you and your family. Achieving a reasonable balance is the key.

Here are some words of wisdom gathered from mothers who have learned through experience how to reduce personal stress, take care of themselves and feel more competent and content in their new life as a mom.

Conserve your energy any way you can. Don’t stand when you can sit. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Go to bed earlier. Close your eyes whenever you can.

Eat regularly. A number of small meals throughout the day are more satisfying than a few large ones. Favourite nutritious snacks for new moms include bagels and muffins, vegetables, fruits, nuts, cheeses, and power shakes made with yogurt, fruits, milk and/or an egg. These simple snacks can be stockpiled ahead of time so you can just grab them when hunger strikes. Drink plenty of water, too.

Never say no to offers of help. Have a list in your head, on your fridge or in your pocket of all the chores and tasks you just haven’t gotten around to doing. Share your list with anyone who offers to help.

Prioritize! Decide what must be done now, and what can be left—maybe forever!

Take time for yourself. A few 15-minute breaks can do you wonders throughout the day. Remember that people working outside of the home get coffee breaks and a lunch hour. At the end of the day ask yourself, “What have I done for me today?” Just taking a few spare minutes to read a good book or magazine is a simple way to nurture yourself.

Develop connections with other mothers. Share your experiences with others who understand and can validate your experience. All mothers have stresses around how to balance their multiple roles.

Get outside with your baby at least once a day. Fresh air and exercise do wonders for everyone. Babies usually sleep better when they have had some outside time in the day.

Create a “peaceful place.” If an untidy house drives you crazy, keep one room tidy where you can go to relax and feel serene.

Simplify your household. If you can reduce the clutter, you will often reduce the stress. Try organizing one small area of the house when you have the time and inclination to do so. You will be amazed at how good you feel afterward. Establish places for things, and put them in their place. You will save a lot of time and frustration by not having to look for these items later.

Keep reminder lists. Use lists to keep track of essential chores and appointments. Be careful of lists, however, as they can make you feel inadequate if you haven’t completed all the tasks you put on them. Keeping your lists next to your calendar and phone is a great way to set up a home command post.

Do 10-minute tasks. Only attempt jobs that will take 10 minutes or less. For instance you probably cannot clean all the windows at once, so try doing one each day instead. You will be amazed at how much you actually accomplish in 10 minutes.

Be laundry savvy. Don’t fold laundry unless you find this activity satisfying and enjoyable. A few plastic laundry baskets or bins can be used to separate your clean and dirty laundry. Just pull the clean laundry out of a basket when you need it. Forget ironing unless absolutely necessary.

Strive to be imperfect. Lower your expectations of yourself, your partner, your baby, your housekeeping and cooking. Everyone will love you for this!

Learn to daydream. Dream about anything and everything. Quiet thought is a wonderful way to slow down and get in touch with what is important to you.

Laugh more, and forgive more. Does it really matter if your partner put the diaper on backwards or the dog has just stolen your lunch?! (Well, maybe).

Learn to say NO. Extra chores and activities will only rob you of your rest and time to enjoy your baby. Beware of people who say, “Since you’re at home anyway...”

Be kind when assessing your post-partum body. It can take months to lose all of your pregnancy weight, and you may even retain some of it. Moderate exercise and sensible eating is the healthiest way to feel fit and well. A new hair cut and some comfortable clothes can make a big difference to how you feel. Share your feelings about “the new you” with your partner; he needs to know how this is affecting you.

Let go of images of perfection. Stop the critical voice in your head that says, “I’m fat, incompetent, forgetful, etc.” Just do the best you can. This is all you should ask of yourself. No mother can be the perfect “Supermom” and do it all.

Accept advice graciously. Everyone has advice for new parents. Use only advice that makes sense to you, and fits for your baby and your parenting philosophy—then forget the rest. Avoid debating with people who have different opinions than yours. Save your energy for more enjoyable activities.

A thought for the day:

“My house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy!”

Susan Miller R.N. BScN is a Perinatal Educator and Certified Breastfeeding Counsellor. She works with prenatal and post-natal families in the Greater Victoria area.