Parenting the Plugged-In Generation
by Jeannie Owens-Wallace
Raising Computer-savvy kids can make parenting more challenging as the options technology offers get increasingly complicated.My seven-year-old daughter’s exploration of the wired world is innocent enough. With help from me, she participates in interactive worlds, downloads her favourite tunes to an MP3 player, views video clips of the latest craze, pop star or hit show, and has already tried her hand at social networking sites such as MSN.
Lately, though, my husband and I have found it tougher to determine just how far we will allow our daughter to venture into that wired world. We feel like ill-prepared guides embarking on a far-flung journey without a map.
What led to our recent dilemma is our daughter’s passion for WebKinz®, the stuffed animals that have a code for access to an interactive website.
While using the computer, our daughter discovered videos that other kids had posted on YouTube of skits with their WebKinz®. Great, we thought, what an amazing way for kids to share ideas and inspire each other to create their own video projects. Then our daughter began to ask if she could post her own video on YouTube.
So what’s the problem with posting videos?
The problem is that we worry about the possibility of someone accessing our daughter’s contact information; about her communicating online without fully understanding the messages she’s sending—both literally and figuratively—and about her understanding of what constitutes proper conduct.
Unsure about video sharing and social networking, and worried about the future ramifications of an online world for our children, I decided to search out some advice.
To start, I contacted Joe Rich, family therapist, author and regular guest therapist on Citytv’s CityLine.
In his book Parenting: The Long Journey, Rich advises parents to not be overwhelmed by technology-related issues and to deal with these issues in the same way they would with any other behaviour issue—with good parenting principles.
“Asking to post something on YouTube because they’ve seen other kids do it isn’t any different than a child asking ‘Why does Suzie down the street get to go to the movie and I don’t?’”
When it comes to computers, Rich advises parents to err on the side of caution: keep the family computer in a public place in the home; monitor online activity and conversations; and take the time to learn more about the media. Read books, take a course, access the Internet. Some websites, he adds, offer information and tips for parenting technology (see sidebar).
“If you buy a computer for your family then you’d better be prepared to parent it,” states Rich. And when the endless negotiations become too much? “If you can’t say no, then don’t have a computer in your home.”
Rich emphasizes that the Internet is full of unknowns and that a parent’s naiveté leaves kids vulnerable.
“YouTube is a tricky medium,” warns Rich. “What looks like an innocent video of a child sharing their love for a favourite toy could be a company paying to promote their product.”
Then there’s the danger of kids assuming that the kids they “know” online are their friends. In today’s age of social networking, Rich encourages parents to clearly define friends, family and community.
Listening to Rich, I realized that one mistake we’d already made was placing a computer in our daughter’s room, even though it’s on the same floor as our main living space where I can monitor her computer use. I’m also reading more about computers and the Internet so I can better understand and explain the issues to my daughter and can set clear boundaries.
When I told Rich that our daughter wanted to post a video of her WebKinz®, he suggested an alternative: let her have a party and invite a few friends who share her interest, have some treats and show the video skits they make of their stuffed animals.
We had the party. The kids’ videos went onto a CD-Rom for each of them with specific instructions to not post them online. It was a fun, social experience that satisfied our daughter’s interests—albeit, for a short time. Her curiosity about everything computers persists. And that’s not all bad.
Computers can teach and enhance our children’s ingenuity.
Dave Hladik, managing director of Byte Camps, a non-profit society that offers media classes to kids nine to 14 years old, says adults need to appreciate how tech-savvy kids can be in a creative way. Kids can learn to use software that enables them to make music, animate short films and design their own web pages, among other things.
“Kids are naturally interested in sharing what cool thing they’ve made and seeing what other kids are up to,” says Hladik.
While he acknowledges that the Internet can be a dangerous, public space, he says “there is nothing inherent in computers that kids should be afraid of” and that safety on the Internet comes from making sure kids are informed.
Banning sharing and access to the Internet seems a bit drastic to me, considering how much our children will inevitably use computers in the future for school projects, communicating, and someday, for work. They need to learn how to use the medium wisely.
Janine Roy, a parent and the principal at Arbutus Middle School, acknowledges that technology surrounds our children and that it’s important they be educated, supported and informed. She encourages parents to be present when their children are exploring new sites and trying new technologies.
By using the web together, parents can help children learn how to communicate positively and effectively on the Internet, become “technologically literate” and safe from potential threats such as cyber bullying and luring.
“We want even our youngest children to learn how to use technology responsibly and learn the skills they need to always use the growing array of tools wisely and under supervision,” says Roy.
Most elementary schools have computer labs to introduce kids to the media. Middle and high schools offer access to computers and the Internet for research and writing—some even include a visual arts lab for music composition and graphic art design.
In e-parenting: Keeping up with your Tech-Savvy Kids, Sharon Miller Cindrich points out that guiding, teaching and monitoring kids in their use of technology has become as important in today’s world as teaching them how to cross the street safely, ride a bike, or drive a car.
And as Rich advises, when it comes to dealing with computer-related issues, parents need to base decisions on their values; gauge privileges according to the maturity of the child; and supervise online activity with clear guidelines regarding what is safe and socially acceptable.
Now I see that although the cyber-world is vastly different from the one in which I grew up, it is still very much the same.
Our answer to our daughter’s request to post a video online is... maybe. Surfing through cyberspace is like traveling in a foreign country. To navigate safely we want to gather as much information as we can—consult a map—and proceed with care.
Resources
Suggested Reading• Parenting: The Long Journey by Joe Rich, MSW
• The Plugged-In Parent: What You Should Know About Kids and Computers by Steve Bennett
• E-Parenting: Keeping up with Your Tech-Savvy Kids by Sharon Miller Cindrich
Advice Online• Search options “parenting technology” and “cyber bullying”
Suggested Websiteswww.bewebaware.comwww.cyberbullying.cawww.safekids.com www.familyguidebook.comwww.kidproofusa.com (also the Canadian website)
Don’t have a computer in your home and want to educate your child about computers and using the Internet?Go to one of the many places in Victoria that offers free use of computers and access to the Internet. Industry Canada’s Community Access Program (CAP—http://cap-pac.ic.gc.ca/pub/index.html) gives thousands of Canadians affordable access to the Internet in places like schools, community centres and libraries in our community. Bonus; these places use servers that provide some protection and block access to inappropriate sites.
To learn more visit
http://cap-pac.ic.gc.ca/pub/index.html.
Technology Information for Kids and AdultsSaanich Recreation Centres offer summer programs for kids 8-14 years old on how to use computers, surf the Internet, design basic web pages and more. Visit
http://Recreation.Saanich.ca/RecOnline.
Byte Camp Education Society offers creative new media classes for kids 9-14 years old on southern Vancouver Island. Phone 661-3358 or visit
www.bytecamp.caShoreline Community Middle School is a CAP site and offers free public access to the Internet from Monday to Friday, 4-6pm. Find out more at
www.scssd61.bc.ca or call 386-8367.
Jeannie Owens-Wallace is a freelance writer, conflict resolution facilitator and coach. She and her husband Rob have two children aged seven and five.
