Mothering from the Heart

by Susan Miller, BScN

May is the month in which we celebrate and recognize the work, wisdom and love of mothers. Being a mother is a complex and demanding “job” that lasts a lifetime, and most mothers want to do the very best to nurture and to guide their children. New mothers today are bombarded with information on how to do it even better than past generations, and there is a temptation to dismiss the old ways in favour of the new. Ironically, recent research into infant brain development is revealing that the care mothers give intuitively and instinctively is exactly what babies need. In other words, we mother better from “the heart” than from “the book.” Mothers today have the challenge of creating a peaceful and restful environment for their babies while still providing an appropriate amount of stimulation. Social, emotional and cognitive brain development is strongly influenced by baby’s early experiences, especially in the first year of life. Parents and caregivers have a tremendous influence on baby’s world, his development and ultimately his future. What babies need and want most is loving, responsive and relaxed interaction with their caregivers.

Dr. John Medina, PhD, a renowned researcher from the University of Washington School of Medicine and Director of the Brain Centre for Applied Leaning at the Seattle Pacific University has done extensive research on “The Effects of Stress on the Brain” and the interrelationship of infant experiences and the development of the internal structures of the infant brain. Dr. Medina found that stress experienced by a baby results in the secretion of the stress hormone cortisol. Typically, a baby’s cortisol level is highest in the morning and then decreases toward evening. Researchers found that infants who lived with constant stress, or were not having their needs met on a consistent basis, had cortisol levels that remained high all day long. This sustained high level of cortisol had a detrimental effect on the developing brain and resulted in a permanently altered brain structure. The way the brain develops and is “wired” in the early months determines the baby’s self-regulatory functions, mood modulation and learning abilities. In other words babies need a peaceful and supportive environment in order to develop self-regulatory behaviours and to develop learning abilities.

As you read this you may be saying, “But sometimes my baby cries and I can’t help him to stop.” It is normal for babies to cry, and actually this is how babies get the hands-on nurturing that they need! By holding and soothing your baby he is learning that the world is a safe place to be. This nurturing also helps him to develop a stronger security base and the resiliency to cope with the stresses that he will encounter in life. A mother is “hard-wired” to want to soothe her crying baby. Those who say “just let him cry” do not fully understand the needs of the young infant and the need of the mother to go and soothe him.

At times it can be hard to know exactly why baby is crying, but if you respond to your baby’s cries promptly most of the time she learns that you can be depended on to help. Of course there will be times when you cannot attend to her right away, or you have run out of mothering patience. Understand that this is a very common experience for all parents of young infants. Allow yourself a break when you need it. You cannot be available 100 per cent of the time!

Creating an environment that is peaceful, predictable and free from over-stimulation is important in supporting your baby’s optimal brain development. Remember that babies are all individuals and some babies need more peace and quiet than others do. Parenting can be much more demanding and complex if you have a baby who requires more “entertaining” and a constant change of scene! What is right for one baby may not be right for the next so structure your baby’s day and environment according to his individual personality and needs. When baby is happy and content everyone benefits.

Dr. Alison Gopnik, PhD, from the University of California at Berkley, is the author of the book The Scientist in the Crib: How Babies and Young Children Learn (1999). Dr. Gopnik’s message is that our children are more dependant than the young of other species because they are developing greater intelligence. In order to use and develop these advanced learning mechanisms, human babies need help and protection for a longer period of time. Gopnik advises to forget the early introduction of toys that are reputed to increase learning and intelligence. What babies need most is attentive care giving and interaction with others. As the baby experiences a warm, secure and loving world, she has the ability to learn new skills and information.

Parents often worry that they cannot possibly provide as much attention and stimulation to their second and subsequent children as they provided to their first born. Rest assured that Mother Nature has looked after this. The attention and stimulation that baby receives from her older siblings makes up for less one-on-one time with her parents. A happy, harmonious home provides the young infant with just the right kind of security and stimulation she needs for optimal development.

Next time you get some age-old wisdom or advice from grandma or great aunt Ethel, remember that they may be right after all. Words like “slow down dear”, “enjoy your baby”, “don’t worry so much”, or “just trust your heart” may not be that far off base. These sentiments sound trite and simple but they carry the collective wisdom of eons of motherhood. In our often demanding and fast paced world new mothers quickly discover that you cannot “project manage” life with a baby. Taking a more relaxed approach to your life in “Baby Land” will make parenting more rewarding for you, and your baby will reap the benefits of having a happy mommy. Mothering from your heart just makes sense and feels right too!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Susan Miller R.N. BScN is a Perinatal Educator and Certified Breastfeeding Counsellor. She works with prenatal and post-natal families in the Greater Victoria area.